Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

I had run out of hope.

It’s still here.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Katie Thurston admits Ananda Lewis’ death left her ‘spiraling’ as she battles Stage 4 breast cancer - New York Post

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

And the sadness?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

How can you know if they are your twin flame and not limerence or obsession?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

At what point does trespassing become self defense? What are the necessary conditions for this line to be crossed from trespassing to self defense?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

It’s here now, writing to you.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

What is the happy reality of our generation?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Do women like watching men sucking men?

The sadness was still there.

Be who you already are.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Does having the wrong address on my car insurance invalidate my policy?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

I was tired of fighting.

You are like me, then.

What smell will you never forget?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Do you think that drug addiction is a symptom of larger societal ills? What is it about our culture that leaves so many feeling like they're inadequate, trying any ill to find a cure?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Have you ever been instructed/forced to crossdress for the benefit of others?

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.